November 10, 2003
I was sitting in my chair thinking maybe the blood work was wrong. Maybe the doctor won’t see the abnormal Philadelphia chromosome. Then I can stop crying. I can stop being strong in front of my students and my sons. I will live more than five years. Yeah, this is bullshit; the biopsy will prove the wrong diagnosis. It has happened to people before. Mistakes are always made.
Bob was shaking my shoulder, “Mom, Mom, are you okay? Are you ready to go? Rich is pulling up the driveway.”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Rich got out of his car and gave me a kiss hello. We all tried to act normal, but it was anything but normal. We always have such stupid fun together. Not this morning. In a lame attempt to talk, Rich said, “I can’t believe you took a day off Mom!” I smile but I don’t want to talk because I might cry. So we drive to the doctor in silence. I feel bad for Bobby, he is never quiet.
Once again, I sign in and wait for my name to be called. It feels weird to be somewhere besides my classroom on a school day.
We all sit down and only wait about five minutes before Shelley calls my name.
I introduce her to Rich and Bob.
She comments on what handsome young men they are.
I smile but can’t speak to say thank you. I know Shelley understands my silence.
She walks us down the hall to Dr. Sanchez’s examining room and tells us all to have a seat as she leaves to get an extra chair.
“The doctor will be in shortly,” Shelley says as she gently rubs my shoulder and winks at my sons.
I’m so sick of hearing that line.
I start to tell Rich and Bob about Dr.Sanchez, how he has a nice, calm, demeanor. A knock on the door and Dr. Sanchez was standing in front of us. He smiles at us as I introduce my sons to him. Then, for some godforsaken reason, I hear nothing. Rich and Bob start asking the doctor questions and I just sit there. I’m in another world. It wasn’t until Rich and Bob stand up and look at me that I snap out of it.
Dr. Sanchez asks me if my insurance company authorized the Gleevec prescription yet.
I tell him not yet. I assure him I did call and was told it will be any day now.
After Dr. Sanchez answered Rich and Bob’s questions and concerns, it was time for the biopsy. Rich and Bob are told to wait in the waiting room. They give me a kiss and leave the room.
Dr. Sanchez asks me how I am feeling overall. I lie and say I am fine.