Posted by: Mary Crocco | August 27, 2012

How cool is THAT?

August 27, 2012

I’m a few days early writing for my Living with CML blog. I try to write on the 1st of the month. But today is such a sad day for me, and when I sat down to write my novel, I can’t form a complete thought. So writing for my CML blog may work as a catharsis today.

I’m sad because my son, Jim, died on this day, eleven years ago. He was only twenty-nine years old. Well, I guess the catharsis is working, already crying from just writing that sentence. It is well said and believed that ‘time heals.’ It is a misbelief; nothing is further from the truth.

When my fourteen month old grandson calls me on FaceTime, I not only want to tell Jim, but he should be enjoying his nephew as much as our family does. When my twenty-four year old son, Bobby, completed his first CD, Jim should be here for the release party, like his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew will be.

Bobby wrote me a song on his new CD, it was about Jim. It’s beautiful and I am so touched. His last song is to Jim, and he says he wished he were here. He even wrote that on his CD jacket.

Every family occasion, every event, we all wish he were here. We will always love him, that’s what is written on his grave stone. I visit frequently, not sure if I can today, but visits are often.

Okay, on with my regular CML blog update, thank you for bearing with me, it helped.

This month of August I was super fatigued and suffered a lot of body cramps. Some days were more, some less. I deal with it and work around it. I wanted to see the movie, Hope Springs, as Tommy Lee Jones is my favorite actor. My son, Bobby, deals with my fatigue too, because we planned to go a few times, but always postponed. But we did see it eventually and the chair was perfect, so I didn’t have any pain later.

I also went to a Rock Symphony Concert, here in Vegas, at our new Smith Center for the Performing Arts. I have been dying to see the Center. The show was great and the venue is beautiful. I wasn’t sure if I could go due to very bad body cramps and being so tired, from Gleevec, days before. I would have given the tickets to my son for him and a friend, but I made it!

Unfortunately, I paid dearly for it, which is usually the case. Hence, I don’t get out much. The show was a couple of hours, but the seat was my enemy. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, but I can’t sit like that for long. So the next day I could barely walk. I didn’t feel better until Tuesday morning. I tried the new pain pills the doctor prescribed, after six hours, I felt some relief.

I went to a new critique group on the 18th. It was in the morning, which is bad for me, but I had RSVP’d on a good day, and so I went. The room was freezing, and I knew I was in trouble, plus it was three hours vs. the scheduled two hours. Now the chair didn’t feel like it was going to be a problem and I was free to move around, but oh my god, that night, did I suffer. That too lasted for a couple of days.

So, on the whole, I got to go out a few times and I know I have problems and sometimes suffer, but I feel grateful that I got to a movie and a show. I won’t attend the critique class again.

My only doctor appointment in August was with my primary doctor for my yearly exam and mammogram. Results were good, so I’m done with that until next year.

I was going to go back to the pool today, as a matter of fact. I was going to go against the doctor’s orders. I was in such pain after the concert, like I said before, my hip pain was just unbearable. So I got mad at myself and decided I was going to get in that pool for therapy no matter what. I can’t describe how good that warm pool feels; the exercises just make my body feel great.

I thought and thought, and I came up with, I’ll go to the actual arthritis class at 10 a.m., Mon and Wed. This way there is less risk of splashing for my ear. My ear is the reason I am banned from the pool until my next ear doctor visit in Nov. I was all psyched to go! Then, hours later, I remembered, that class does all the exercises standing. I can’t do that. That’s why I can’t walk any distance or stand still at all. When I go myself, I use the noodles to hold me up and I go from one end of the pool to the other doing my exercises. So, I’m back to following doctors’ orders, I just can’t risk getting water in my ear. Vaseline covered cotton balls and swim hats included, doctor said no. SIGH.

I LOVE writing my novel! I have made friends with authors on line and they have been offering advice. How cool is that?
My son’s first CD is out, how cool is that?

My son, his wife, and my grandson are coming out in Sept. for the CD release party, how cool is that?

I have blood work scheduled for the end of the month and one doctor appointment with my rheumatologist scheduled for Sept. How cool is THAT?

My mother seems to have found a pain pill that is relieving some of her pain. How cool is that? I booked a flight for her 82nd birthday in Oct. I will stay a week.

So, thank you for reading my blog, I do appreciate it. Please feel free to leave a comment. 

That was my August. I’ll return Oct.1st!

Mary 

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Responses

  1. Mary, I cried myself when I read this entry – so sorry to read about your son, Jim. I hope your grandson brings you much joy and love – my baby is seven months next week, she’s so much fun now! You’re an inspiration and I look forward to reading your novel soon. Cheryl

    • Thank you for reading Cheryl!

  2. So sorry to hear of your son Mary – I can’t imagine.
    Sorry too that you have CML – i can relate to the fatigue as i have M.E. which is very debilitating at times. I guess it’s about ‘management’ whatever that means …

    • Thank you for reading Helena, and thank you for your kind words. I had to google M.E., yes, chronic fatigue is rough on us for sure. All we can do is the best we can!


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