Posted by: Mary Crocco | January 1, 2014

In a funk

January 1, 2014

Happy New Year to my Living with CML blog readers. I want to express my appreciation to you all for taking the time to read my monthly posts.

I’m feeling pretty down today, but I wanted to keep up in writing for my blog in a timely way.

I can’t seem to get myself motivated to do much writing. I haven’t edited my book in a while. I sit down to work on it, but end up shutting off my computer. I haven’t been to the pool either. I set out my bathing suit and bag, but can’t seem to get dressed. I missed the writing workshop too.

I went to the movies before I left for Sparks, NV for Xmas with my family. I enjoyed the movie and my visit, but overdid. I held my pain and tears until I hit the airport. Then my son, who traveled with me, witnessed my agony. It’s my knee giving me trouble, and I’m back using my cane again. I made an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. He’s booked until February, but I’ll keep calling for cancellations. I’m going to ask for a cortisone shot, I do not want surgery. I’m hoping the doctor will comply.

I did go for my six month dental cleaning. It’s very important to keep these appointments because living with CML takes a toll on my gums.

Because it’s the first of the year, I forced myself to write a book review and this blog entry. I was hoping it provided motivation to edit my book. But to be honest, I’m struggling through this and it’s making me feel even worse than I did before I started. All I want to do is sleep. I forced myself to shop, but wore my inside crappy leisure pants. I couldn’t care less to change.

So that’s it for now. I sure hope I get out of this funk soon. I’m trying. I hate to feel sorry for myself. I hate crying, but my life’s sadness is all consuming lately. I wonder if my oral chemo drug is adding to my feeling so low. I mean I get this way often, but I usually can drag myself out of it sooner.

Till next month, when I can write about getting back to normal. I hope that I will be writing, editing, and exercising again. I’ve got to stop thinking about my knee pain, the loss of my son, and a host of other bullshit that’s bringing me down.

Sorry if I’ve lost the few readers I have with this post. 😦




  1. More of the ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude, the better in 2014, Mary. There are times when selfish is very good therapy. Now, get back to editing your damn book! 🙂

    • I’m trying, you have no idea how much.😪 Thanks for reading and commenting, Derek. I appreciate you taking the time. 😊

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