Posted by: Mary Crocco | January 1, 2014

In a funk

January 1, 2014

Happy New Year to my Living with CML blog readers. I want to express my appreciation to you all for taking the time to read my monthly posts.

I’m feeling pretty down today, but I wanted to keep up in writing for my blog in a timely way.

I can’t seem to get myself motivated to do much writing. I haven’t edited my book in a while. I sit down to work on it, but end up shutting off my computer. I haven’t been to the pool either. I set out my bathing suit and bag, but can’t seem to get dressed. I missed the writing workshop too.

I went to the movies before I left for Sparks, NV for Xmas with my family. I enjoyed the movie and my visit, but overdid. I held my pain and tears until I hit the airport. Then my son, who traveled with me, witnessed my agony. It’s my knee giving me trouble, and I’m back using my cane again. I made an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. He’s booked until February, but I’ll keep calling for cancellations. I’m going to ask for a cortisone shot, I do not want surgery. I’m hoping the doctor will comply.

I did go for my six month dental cleaning. It’s very important to keep these appointments because living with CML takes a toll on my gums.

Because it’s the first of the year, I forced myself to write a book review and this blog entry. I was hoping it provided motivation to edit my book. But to be honest, I’m struggling through this and it’s making me feel even worse than I did before I started. All I want to do is sleep. I forced myself to shop, but wore my inside crappy leisure pants. I couldn’t care less to change.

So that’s it for now. I sure hope I get out of this funk soon. I’m trying. I hate to feel sorry for myself. I hate crying, but my life’s sadness is all consuming lately. I wonder if my oral chemo drug is adding to my feeling so low. I mean I get this way often, but I usually can drag myself out of it sooner.

Till next month, when I can write about getting back to normal. I hope that I will be writing, editing, and exercising again. I’ve got to stop thinking about my knee pain, the loss of my son, and a host of other bullshit that’s bringing me down.

Sorry if I’ve lost the few readers I have with this post. 😦

Mary

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Responses

  1. More of the ‘I couldn’t care less’ attitude, the better in 2014, Mary. There are times when selfish is very good therapy. Now, get back to editing your damn book! 🙂

    • I’m trying, you have no idea how much.😪 Thanks for reading and commenting, Derek. I appreciate you taking the time. 😊


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